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King Theoden of Rohan Sends Facebook Condolences to War-torn Ally

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King Théoden of Rohan, horsemaster and son of Thengel, has chosen an alternative wartime strategy: to send condolences instead of military forces to the nearby Gondorian City of Minas Tirith. “While most would argue that military strength wins battles, I argue that we can bring them down through changing our Facebooks,” said the king as he updated his status for the 12th time that day.

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He promptly pointed to his computer screen, which showed his Facebook picture with a filter of the Gondorian Flag overtop. He then explained that he clearly preferred these nonviolent protests to the warlike ones of ages past, as the changing of these pictures was just as effective as any triumphant battle. “If anything, these Facebook campaigns are more successful than the military ones. Orcs can’t use this kind of technology, so we have a clear advantage.”

Théoden, Lord of the Rohirrim, says that there is even a chance they might raise a few coins for victims of the attack. “Remember when Mordor attacked the Golden Hall in our homeland, and we updated social media instead of sending food? This is a similar effort, and it will embolden my people to send what resources they can to Gondor. My ability as ruler to bring significant attention to the Gondorian plight is certainly sufficient assistance.“

When asked how he planned on assisting with the Nazgul attack to the South, the king eagerly pulled up his Twitter.

 

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