Business

Heartwarming! New England Patriots Being Renamed The New England Kaepernicks

Colin Kaepernick peacefully protests police brutality in America by kneeling during the pledge of allegiance.

Foxborough, MA — ‘Wild’ Bill Belichick and Good Ol’ Bobby Kraft stunned reporters Thursday afternoon as they announced that the New England Patriots will be renamed the New England Kaepernicks.

The former 49ers quarterback, whom the Patriots will be named after, became a lightning rod of controversy after peacefully protesting police brutality by kneeling during the national anthem, a stance many Americans saw as being unpatriotic, ironically enough.

“I know we ain’t always seen eye to eye, but that boy’s got gumption. I said to Bobby here, ‘that Kap feller really means what he says, don’t he?’ Bob looked at me, he said, ‘I’ll be damned if he lacks conviction, that’s for sure.’ So I says back to him, ‘I declare he’s living out the Patriot way right before our very own eyes. Let’s honor that.’ Not with a contract, of course, but let’s show him some support.”

“So I say to Wild Bill, ‘How about we name our freaking franchise after the guy? What more can we do?”

“Should we show ‘em, Bobby? On the count of three.”

The grizzled coach and the savvy owner of the legendary NFL franchise each grabbed opposite ends of a flag and rolled it out lengthwise, unveiling the new logo for their franchise. The animated depiction of the ostracized quarterback kneeling drew mixed reactions from the reporters and journalists present.

The renaming and announcement of the Kaepernick-inspired logo will undoubtedly go down as two of the most controversial decisions in league history. However, the heavily politicized move has already garnered heaps of praise from black America for showing support for Black Lives Matter.

“Goodell tried to punish us for DeflateGate. We didn’t do anything wrong then, and we’re just standing up for what we think is right. I reckon you could say we’re pivoting,” said a long-piece of grass chewing Belichick.

The name and logo change will reportedly take place sometime in 2018, likely before the Fall season.

 

To Top