Politics

Groundbreaking Study Links Forgetfulness to Perjury

Jeff Sessions can't recall due to being the victim of perjury-induced stress.

TUCSON — A shocking study conducted by The Millennial Snowflake Research Center (MSRC) linked forgetfulness to the act of perjury. The MSRC warns this perjury-induced memory loss may affect politicians to a more serious degree than the every day citizen.

“I was watching video of Attorney General Jeff Sessions being grilled by a number of senators for what seems to be adding up to blatant and obvious perjury and he had this stupid look on his face. His eyes were completely vacant like his brain just suddenly stopped working. And he fumbles with his words every time he’s questioned, which is doubly strange considering he’s been holding down one of the most demanding legal positions in the world,” says Millennial Snowflake Researcher Alberto Oro. “That’s when I wondered if forgetfulness and perjury have some type of connection.”

After reviewing countless hours of footage, Oro observed that when an individual is accused of perjury they suddenly become extremely forgetful. Often the victim of this memory loss will be heard uttering statements such as “I do not recall” or “I can’t remember” in response to questioning.

“I believe it may be stress-induced. Sessions is a perfect example. When evidence was used against him to show that he had lied about meeting with Russian officials, he suddenly could not recall,” says Oro. “I’m afraid we may see this new form of amnesia ravaging government officials from now till the foreseeable future.”

At press time, reports of perjury-related memory loss tripled.

To Top