Politics

Climate Scientists Predict Next Report Will Be Ignored

Climate scientists predict next report will be ignored.

A recent study revealed that all of the water pouring off Earth’s melting ice sheets is actually making the oceans heavier and causing the seafloor to sink. As a consequence, this could be interfering with our measurements of global sea level rise. Of course, these discrepancies may also further convolute the work of climate change scientists. However, they recently came to a consensus that it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about their data and information anymore. Climate scientists predict that their next report will be ignored.

“We could carry on proving what we already know — greenhouse gases cause the atmosphere to retain heat, human activities have severely disturbed our earth’s atmospheric balance, deforestation and urbanization are wreaking havoc on its reflectivity — the list goes on,” says Copenhagen Institute for Climate Studies Dr. Sioman Merkel. “But the truth is, our reports will simply wind up being toilet paper for the most powerful decision-maker in the world.”

“You see, the average global citizen is concerned and trusts that we have done are due diligence and do indeed know what we are talking about. Helping our cause, is the fact that 2017 saw a number of powerful, emotionally visceral images work their way into the collective conscious — like the starving polar bear that went viral as his home was melting away. But the powers and agencies large enough to regulate change, are tied to corporations that don’t want their activities regulated at all.”

At press time, Donald Trump tweeted that winter being cold is proof that global warming is a hoax, which prompted Vinnie from MTV’s Jersey Shore to have to explain to the President of the United States that climate change has to do with disruptions to the atmospheric conditions, ocean patterns, jet streams, and “shit like that.”

 

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